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We’ve all met this guy, right? The guy who outwardly looks harmless, (a bit nerdy looking tbh), kind with seemingly good intentions but inwardly full of evil and deceit. Alas – A Narcissist Is Born! A Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing.
The Wolf definitely caught me off guard from the very beginning. Super attentive, hours of phone calls, incessant texting. This guy knew how to hook a lady. And boy did he ever with me! I-WAS-SMITTEN. But wolves twist the truth, deceive their intended victim with false promises and absolutely invented the term Gaslighting. Scary thing is, I’m not sure he even knows he does this to women.
There’s a special label for this type of man – it’s called Seductive Narcissism. As the name suggests, this type of narcissist personality does whatever they can do to make you feel good about yourself, at least at first. These narcissists may appear to admire you and may even idealize you, but their main goal is to make you feel that way about them so that you can be used to further their agenda and take advantage of you. Someone who has seductive narcissism generally wants your admiration and will flatter you to get what they want. Don’t be fooled, though. When a seductive narcissist no longer needs you to compliment or stroke their ego, these narcissists may leave you and move on to a new target.
I’m drilling down on this personality trait because it’s so nasty and damaging, that you really need to look for the signs early on.
The Wolf and I met a few times, always at my house. Never at his. The second he walked into my house the first time, my gut told me there was something off about this dude. Go with your gut ladies! That weird feeling persisted into the night and into the morning. And just never went away. Hard to explain, however in recapping our dates to my best friends, NO ONE LIKED HIM. They all thought there was a personality disorder going on.
The sex was just ok. He professed to be a skilled lover, a giver (not taker) and proficient at oral sex. Spoiler Alert – none of that was true. He was decent but wouldn’t write home about it. The hype did not match the execution. But whatever, I saw him again.
And then red flag after red flag. I’ll list them here so you can look out for these, too:
- never met at HIS house, always mine
- would come over and literally stay for 14+ hours
- I started to think he was married and he would tell his wife he was out of town on an overnight work trip
- would love bomb the fuck out of me and then ghost ghost ghost
- broke it off twice with me then came back for more; so many apologies
- made plans and cancelled numerous times, always with the same excuse (not mentioning it to ensure anonymity)
- super weird past with women (if any of it was true)
- inconsistent communication to say the least
- OBSESSED with the size of my ex’s dicks (like OBSESSED)
The cherry on top of this shit-show was his most recent ex reached out to me to swap stories. How? Through Social Media of course. There is a Facebook Group with the sole purpose of protecting women against disingenuous men.. Check it out if you’re actively online dating. So sure enough, The Wolf was there, in all his splendour, with over 85 comments. And his recent ex and I communicated through this Group. (now to be fair, women can post anonymously and there is no mechanism for the guy to provide his version, which is the point – I get that. However I’m not keen on the whole vision so I left the Group immediately)
So back to the recent ex. The Wolf, in all his wily ways, had managed to convince this amazing woman that I WAS THE CRAZY ONE. (see Gaslighting, above) so although my relationship with my fellow online dating sister started off rocky… we’re supporting each now and having a few laughs.
My take-aways?
TRUST YOUR GUT
IF IT FEELS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE, IT PROBABLY IS
WHEN A PERSON SHOWS YOU WHO THEY ARE, BELIEVE THEM
Happy Dating!
What’s a narcissist's favourite keyboard shortcut?
