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Listen. By now you know that I’m no prude. I like to have fun. I like to smoke hog. And everything in between. As my tagline says, from a woman who has done what you have always wanted to do. So when a gent asks me if I’ve done a 3some, the answer is probably not going to be a shocker.
HOWEVER
I didn’t expect that question within the first 5 minutes of making a new connection on Tinder.
Have you ever done a 3some?
Dude….what?? Is that really what you want to lead with?
Here’s my issue: I double-checked his profile and sure enough “Looking for long-term, open to short.” Uh, I dunno. Engaging in a 3some doesn’t really ring “long-term” when you’re meeting people on a dating app. And again – I have no problem with people exploring their kinky sides. Fill your fucking boots! Just not overly into divulging my less-than-vanilla past with a complete stranger.
Here’s how the convo went (this is midway through an afternoon text session):
Him: So I’m just here for sex. I hope that’s ok.
Me: Sure! Are you single and how many partners do you have on the go? Precautionary safety measures should probably be discussed in advance.
Him: Yup. Single. And one partner but that’s few and far between. I just like different experiences.
Me: Oh good for you. Good to be upfront right away. Too many losers on here just lie their way through their profile.
Him: Yes. I’m not doing anything wrong. So you ever have a 3some?
AND THERE IT IS...
Me: uhhhh, why?
Him: I ask because one girl I met is very open to that.
Me: Maybe you should check out different sites dude. Like JALF? Or FETOO?
Him: No, I don’t need to. I’m just talking. I’m sure you and I would be more than fine!
Me: Mmkay. Weird lead-in but ok.
Him: By the way, I don’t have a big cock. Just throwing it out there.
NOW I’M COMPLETELY PUZZLED. WHAT IS GOING ON?
Where are the cameras? Am I being punked? Seriously. Dude asks about a 3some like he’s a fucking Casanova, tells me outright he just wants sex and then wraps it all up with “I don’t have a big cock” statement.
I can’t make this shit up.
I told him I had a call coming through from a man I’d been talking to, who has a massive dick and his private plane was waiting to whisk me off to Paris for a gourmet meal prepared by his private Chef. BYEEEEEE!
